My Blog
No this is not a blog on how to become a better writer. It is a blog addressed to my conscious self on how I can become a better writer. Self, listen up! You, as in me talking to me, need a muse and a mentor. The stories you have put out there have supporters…
Read MoreIn the interest of better health, and after exhaustive research, I provide for your edification and endorphin production, literary humor sampled from the internet < Note: I said researched, not plagiarized 🙂 > “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” ― Steven Wright “Writers don’t have lifestyles. They sit in…
Read MoreYes I am working on my next book. BUT….I feel cold. I’m surrounded by drafts. Alright, bad joke you’ve heard before. BUT (there’s that “but” again), I am surrounded by drafts of story outlines which I hope to finish. I know some I will finish, unless I get hit by the proverbial truck tomorrow; ah but…
Read MoreUp at Oh dark hundred after having gone to bed too early. My biorhythm, early to bed, early to rise. I do my best work in the morning, which is perfect because today I can feel an epic page coming on. But before I start…. What? Of course I can start a sentence with a…
Read MoreIf you have ever tried to learn another language, you know how difficult it can be just to learn simple phrases. The ambiguities, the tonal controls, the supporting body language. Now imagine someone trying to learn the English language, a language that is constantly changing, e.g. 50 years ago, someone who was gay was happy,…
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Man Rules
Here are the rules from the male side.
1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
9. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
11. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
14. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
16. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
17. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .
19. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Cricket or Hockey.
20. You have enough clothes.
21. You have too many shoes.
22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Finally, the doctor said I should make a full recovery after about 3 weeks of physio, just in time to take “her” out for a dinner